Tips for talking with kids about suicide

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Robin Williams was funny and insightful and I know I’m not the only mom or dad who will miss him and his humor. His death is being described as an apparent suicide and was widely covered by the media.

It’s difficult for anyone of any age to truly wrap their head around the decision to end one’s life, but it is especially challenging for children. It’s likely that at least some kids will see the coverage, be it on television or on the covers of magazines in the grocery check out aisle, and that raises the question of how to go about talking with kids about suicide.

Start by helping your child understand what suicide is and defining it.BuscemiHeart

Linda Goldman, in her book Breaking the Silence, defines suicide for children as follows: “Suicide is when people decide they do not want their body to work anymore and they stop their body from working. They are so, so sad or so, so angry or so, so depressed that their mind becomes mixed up. They forget they can get help. There is always another way.”

One way to explain suicide to kids is to say that the person who ended their own life “was sick and they were not able to think clearly and make good decisions,” according to an article from Ele’s Place, a nonprofit to help children deal with grief.

They also advise that parents stress with their children that suicide is not a solution to problems and there are always other choices. Additionally, parents should take the opportunity to talk about what makes life worth living, what sources of joy and hope they find and hope their children will find.

With younger kids, answers their questions clearly and succinctly. Keep it simple.

Older children and teens, however, will likely want more information than little ones.  The Society for the Prevention of Teen Suicide (SPTS) offers tips for parents, including that a suicide in the media can be a way to open a meaningful and important discussion. Other suggestions include the following:

* Parents should not avoid the discussion because they are afraid of giving their child any ideas. Talking about suicide does not plant the idea in someone’s head.

* Suicide is something parents can and should discuss, especially given that it is the 3rd leading cause of death in adolescents and the 2nd for college aged students. As with most discussion of risky and dangerous behavior, parents should be the first and most trusted source of information so they don’t get inaccurate information elsewhere.

* Parents should be honest. It’s okay to tell kids that it is a difficult, uncomfortable or even upsetting conversation. Chances are that your kids feel the same way.  And it’s okay to tell them that you don’t have all the answers and don’t completely understand.

* Be calm and straightforward. Deal with your feelings first if you are not feeling calm.

* Ask your teens questions. Ask them how they feel hearing the news of Robin Williams’ suicide, if they’ve ever thought of  harming themselves, if they’ve heard of others wanting to harm themselves. These are hard questions, but ones that need to be asked. Kidshealth.org says, “If you learn that your child is thinking about suicide, get help immediately. Your doctor can refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist, or your local hospital’s department of psychiatry can provide a list of doctors in your area.”

* Parents of kids of any age should clearly state that nothing in life is ever so terrible or devastating that suicide is the way to handle it.

* The discussion should include talking about help seeking and identifying individuals to whom your children can turn. In addition to yourself, have you child list other available sources of help, either for themselves of if they become concerns about a friend. Possibilities include other adult family members, school staff such as teachers or counselors, coaches, clergy or youth ministers, a friend’s parent and older siblings or even neighbors. “This ideSPLLogontity of the person is less important than the fact that your child recognizes the importance of sharing problems with a trusted adult,” the SPTS advises.

As an adult, if you are struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide, please know that help is available. Contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 and you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.

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