Today I went to a talk by Laurence Steinberg, Ph.D., the man who literally wrote the book on adolescence. Really, he did, it’s called Adolescence<\/a> and is the foremost text book on the subject. For those not taking an actual class but who are enrolled in the University of Real Life Parenting, his latest book Age of Opportunity: Lessons from the New Science of Adolescence<\/a> offers concrete advice and wisdom, as well biological reasons for why your children are acting in ways that are sometimes confounding.<\/a><\/p>\n

Dr. Steinberg talked for two full hours, and offered a ton of valuable information. There was one specific part of his talk, though, that I thought particularly applied to all parenting challenges, at any age.<\/p>\n

He said that people view adolescence as something to be endured. Then he acknowledged that we all have challenges in life where we think to ourselves, “If I can just get through this.” But then he noted that when we have that mindset, we don\u2019t put in much effort. If we are just gutting something out, we don’t try to make it better. Instead, it’s a matter of just holding your breath.<\/p>\n

“We don’t want parents holding their breath until adolescence is over. We want them to be better at helping their kids develop in positive ways,” said Dr. Steinberg.<\/p>\n

“Think of adolescence as a stage at which people can thrive if we take advantage of the opportunities,” he urged.<\/p>\n

And I thought that it’s probably true of all kinds of parenting and challenging.\u00a0 So many people have said “The twos weren’t so terrible.” I wonder if that has more to do with their approach rather than their child.<\/p>\n

Parenting is a mixed bag, and if you’re looking for the bad, the tough, the struggle, it’s there. And if you’re looking for the good, the positive, the rewards, they’re there, too.<\/p>\n

Without doubt, there are days where just getting through takes everything you’ve got and then some. But those are days, or even weeks. I’m in the middle of one right now, actually.<\/p>\n

There have been a lot of recent disappointments for my daughter, and this is the last week of the trimester. The workload is intense. She’s tired, overwhelmed and emotional. I’ll admit that if there was a fastforward button to get through the next few days, I’d happily hit it.<\/p>\n

I liked that Dr. Steinberg reframed my viewpoint. It’s never easy to watch your children struggle, but that’s also when you see them grow and help them develop perseverance and grit, what he describes as the noncognitive skills that are essential for success in this world.<\/p>\n

So, hearing Dr. Steinberg on parenting helped me see that my kiddo’s crummy week is really an opportunity, for both of us. I wish I could say that makes it easy.<\/p>\n

It doesn’t, but it makes it easier, and right now, I’ll take it.<\/p>\n

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:<\/strong> Book Review of Dr. G\u2019s Get the Behavior You Want \u2026 Without Being the Parent You Hate<\/a><\/p>\n

Please like Mom Factually on Facebook<\/a>.<\/strong> You can also find MF on Pinterest<\/a>, Twitter, and Instagram<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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