“Happier than a kid at Christmas” is a common phrase because often, it’s true. But it’s not always the case that the holidays are only times of joy and wonder for our kids. Just as holidays can be hard for us adults, the same can be true for our kids.\u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n

That’s especially true of kids who are grieving. You don’t hear much about them during this season, but the holidays are when they need support more than ever.\u00a0That’s why I’m so glad to have this guest post by Ritamaria Laird of Individual and Family Connection<\/a> counseling, a pediatric mental health expert, on how to help grieving children through the holidays<\/p>\n

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The Holidays are a special time during childhood.\u00a0 Many children can hardly hold in their excitement for the anticipation of presents, more free time, special activities, and an abundance of sugary treats.\u00a0 While the Holiday Season brings joy to some, for others it can bring on a slew of more painful and intense emotions.\u00a0 This time can be especially confusing and painful for children who have lost a loved one.<\/p>\n

The holidays may take on an entirely different meaning and sorting out the big emotions while the world celebrates gleefully can be a difficult task for child and family.\u00a0 It may seem like an impossible task to help a child manage and express his\/her emotions when you are also managing your own.<\/p>\n

Having a \u201cGo To\u201d list of how to support your child may help you feel less overwhelmed.\u00a0 Here are just some ways to help you and your child use your relationship in order to make new meaning of the Holiday Season.<\/p>\n

H<\/strong>old the space for your child.<\/p>\n

Provide opportunities for your child to talk about the loved and to remember what the holidays were like when they were alive (or close by).\u00a0\u00a0 Make sure to accept ALL your child\u2019s emotions, not matter how intense.\u00a0 Resist the urge to make them feel better by focusing only on positives.\u00a0 This gives your child the message that you can handle his emotions, no matter how uncomfortable.\u00a0 In turn, your child will feel safe and secure while sharing his most difficult emotions.<\/p>\n

O<\/strong>pen your arms and nurture your child through physical touch.<\/p>\n

Children learn to regulate through their parents, this is called co-regulation.\u00a0 Provide hugs, kisses, and backrubs.\u00a0 Some children find great security in being tightly wrapped in a blanket and rocked or swung.\u00a0 Manicures and Pedicures are wonderful ways to provide nurture to more resistant children.<\/p>\n

L<\/strong>augh<\/p>\n

Children and adults all need a break from grief.\u00a0 Laughing and having fun not only sends the message that it is OK to smile and experience positive emotions, but provides hope that life can be filled with happiness again.<\/p>\n

I<\/strong>nclude your child in decisions.<\/p>\n

Your child may be feeling as though he is not in control of his world.\u00a0 During a time of many changes and disruptions in the normal routine, your child\u2019s anxiety may make this time even more difficult.\u00a0 Provide your child with small choices whether to play at a friends or the park, or whether to make cookies or fudge for a party.<\/p>\n

D<\/strong>iscover new traditions and ways to celebrate.<\/p>\n

New traditions may also include a way to remember and honor the person that died.\u00a0 Decorating a special ornament, writing a card or letter to the loved one, lighting a memorial candle, or creating a memory jar filled with special memories of the loved one are just some ways to recreate Holiday traditions.<\/p>\n

A<\/strong>ccept that the holidays will be different and what you and your family can manage may not look the same.<\/p>\n

Be conscious of events and parties you choose to attend.\u00a0 You may have to decline invites or make shorter appearances to events that may be triggering or too overwhelming for your child.<\/p>\n

Y<\/strong>ou matter, too!<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t forget about YOU! Take time to take care of yourself.\u00a0 Find what makes you relax and cope with your own emotions.\u00a0 Meditation, hot baths, reading, and exercise are just some ways to take time away for yourself. \u00a0\u00a0Call on friends, family and other supports to make this possible for you. \u00a0The more your mind is rested and taken care of, the more likely you are to be able to hold your child\u2019s delicate space.<\/p>\n

___________________<\/p>\n

<\/a>Ritamaria Laird, MA, LCPC, NCC is a leading expert in pediatric mental health in Chicago, IL. She treats children struggling with a variety of emotional and behavioral issues at Individual and Family Connection in Lincoln Park. Read more about Rita at: IFCcounseling.com<\/a><\/p>\n

You May Also Like:\u00a0<\/strong>When yelling doesn\u2019t work, connection cools the fire<\/a><\/p>\n

Prior Post:\u00a0<\/strong>Amy Sherman-Palladino is back with The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel \u2013 and it\u2019s really good<\/a><\/p>\n

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