A child’s birthday party is a joyous occasion, but there are some issues to navigate, and perhaps the biggest is how to handle gifts at your child’s birthday party. Do they have to open them all at once? Does it have to be in front of everyone? Should it not be in front of anyone? Instead of turning to Emily Post for what the etiquette rules say, I thought it better to get answers from someone who knows what’s best for the birthday child.<\/p>\n

Please welcome guest blogger Julianne Neely, MSW, LCSW, is a pediatric therapist, the director of Individual and Family Connection<\/a>, and a mom of two who graciously helped me out with the advice that she has given her clients and that she has found works with her little ones.<\/a><\/p>\n

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There is so much pressure on parents to have a Pinterest-perfect birthday party, which makes it hard for mamas to sit back and enjoy their kiddo’s special day! When it comes to presents, the best gift we can give our kids is being in the moment with them and giving them our attention.<\/p>\n

Keep it simple<\/strong><\/p>\n

If we are busy with way too many guests and keeping things picture perfect we are not able to be fully present for our kids. The best way to keep focused on spending time with our children and staying in the moment is to keep birthday celebrations simple. Not only is it important to keep it manageable for ourselves, but it also important to consider that it is not overstimulating for our children.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t feel like you need to open gifts in front of an audience, or all at once<\/strong><\/p>\n

I’ve never much liked the tradition of sitting around and watching people open gifts. Even in looking back at my Bridal Shower I remember feeling entirely overwhelmed by all the eyes on me watching me open each gift and feeling totally disingenuous gushing with “thanks” over each spatula and knife set. If even I, as an adult feel overwhelmed by this how must our kids feel?<\/p>\n

For my clients, especially the sweet kiddos with social anxiety or who are easily overwhelmed I suggest putting this tradition of opening gifts in front of their guests aside.<\/p>\n

My recommendation is that following the birthday celebration the child be given the opportunity to open one gift each day. If you have seen a child open gifts this is typically their natural pace anyway. They open a gift and then they want to enjoy it. Doing so allows them to just enjoy the sensory experience of opening the gift – feeling the ribbon and crumpling the tissue without the pressure of on-lookers and the next package to open.<\/p>\n

Toddlers especially seem confused that you won’t let them play with the toy they just opened and instead want them to move on to the next one, this often leads to tantrums in front of everyone and the parent feeling embarrassed that the child seems to like one toy more than another.<\/p>\n

Opening one gift each day also teaches them some wonderful life skills, such as delaying gratification and daily gratitude. Breaking the experience down to one gift each day gives the child the chance to genuinely take the time to enjoy the gift and write a thank you note or make a Facetime call related to them enjoying that specific toy or outfit. (Because who also doesn’t get overwhelmed by writing 10+ thank you notes at once?!)<\/p>\n

Consider skipping the gifts<\/strong><\/p>\n

For our family this year we have chosen to ask our guests not to bring gifts to the kid’s birthdays at all, because they have PLENTY of stuff. (Mommy loves Target a little too much! haha). The back of the kid’s invitations reads: “The greatest gifts the birthday child can receive are your continued love, support, and presence. However, if you’re considering a gift, we encourage you to celebrate with a donation to the Ronald McDonald House – a charity that supports families with meals and housing so they can stay close to their hospitalized child at little or no cost. If you wish, you may donate by going to their website here.”<\/p>\n

Focus on what really matters<\/strong><\/p>\n

For us, this allows our family to focus on just celebrating the child’s day without the pressure of having them open gifts in front of guests. We also hope it instills a message in our children that birthdays are not about getting “stuff” but about being together and celebrating the many ways they have grown and matured in the past year.<\/p>\n

We also want our children to focus on enjoying time with their guests and being thankful that people took time out of their busy schedules to enjoy celebrating their milestones, rather than focusing on what they “got.”<\/p>\n

__________________________<\/p>\n

Thank you so much, Julianne! You can learn more about her great work at Individual & Family Connection here and on their Facebook page here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

How do you handle birthday gifts in your family? Please share what works for you and your kiddos in the comments.<\/p>\n

You May Also Like: <\/strong>Most common birth month, birthday and other fun birth date facts<\/a><\/p>\n

Prior Post: <\/strong>Football movies on Netflix for family movie night #StreamTeam<\/p>\n

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