parent to an only child. She questions the cultural assumptions behind the stereotypes about only children and the presumption that having just one child is inherently bad.

Sandler has clearly immersed herself in the research about only children. The book does a nice job of presenting both data and anecdotal stories and experiences, both her own and that of others around the world. Here are some of the facts about only children that she notes in the book:

1. If a child does not have a sibling, they are often called a lonely only, but the data reveals that only children do not experience loneliness at higher levels than those without siblings. Researchers Toni Falbo and Denise Polit reached that conclusion after examining 115 studies comparing only children with siblings.

2. Only children are no more selfish than children with siblings, according to Falbo’s research. Despite data to the contrary, however, that stereotype is still pervasive in not only American culture but in other countries as well.

3. Only children have higher levels of aspiration and motivation then kids with siblings and overall are “more maligned than maladjusted,”  Steven Mellor of Penn State reported in the Journal of Genetic Psychology.

4. Only children have just a many friends as children with siblings have, as shown by an examination of National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health by Douglas Downy of Ohio State. His findings are published in the paper entitled,  “Good for Nothing? Number of Siblings and Friendship Nominations Among Adolescents.” You can read more about it here.

5. The number of families with just one child in them is on the rise. In the U.S., there are approximately 14 million only children, representing about 20 percent of all kids, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.  And it’s not just here. We all know that China has an abundance of only children, but did you know England is called a one-child nation? Over 45 percent of families there have one child, according to Susan Newman, Ph. D.

6. Researchers have found that only children are actually more cooperative than siblings.

7. In studies of narcissism, only children do not score higher than kids with siblings.

I enjoyed “One and Only,” though it took me a while to get through. I think that’s because there is so very much baggage that the book stirred up, and also that it was a bit saddening at times. Despite the all evidence to the contrary, the only child stereotype persists, and, as the parent of an only, that’s discouraging and in fact a little scary.

Despite that fact, this book reframed how I think about my only child.

One of my favorite parts was when she juxtaposed two only children, each of whom attributed their attitude towards friendship to their only child status. One said that she needed alone time more than most, because she was an only child. The other said that she’s sure that she craves time with others more than most, because she was an only child.

The idea that all proclivities and preferences and personality quirks can be attributed to the presence of absence of siblings is silly. There are so many factors that go into the making of an adult that it’s possible we will never know exactly why someone is the way they are. I’m making my piece with that when it comes to my child.

She and many other people share that they get lots of probing and often rude questions, and for some reason a lot of those seem to happen in the grocery store. That’s very much been my experience – what is it about the produce aisle?? I shared my thoughts and how I’d like to answer those car-pushing, agenda-pushing people in my piece for Listen to Your Mother in Chicago in 2013. You can watch it below:

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