“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.”
― Erma Bombeck

“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.” – Oscar Wilde

“Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” ― Kevin James

“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.” —Jay Leno

“What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?” ― Erma Bombeck

“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.” – Stephen Colbert

“I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that.” —Howie Mandel  (Check out my piece on why Canadian Thanksgiving is at a much better time than American Thanksgiving here.)

“I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.”
― Craig Ferguson

“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” ― Erma Bombeck

“Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.”  ― Michael Dresser

This one may be a bit gross, but it did make me chuckle:

“If you’re at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don’t like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you’re eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you’re out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, ‘Boy, these are good cigars!'” – Jack Handey

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